Stream of Consciousness

It’s 3:09 in the morning on a Tuesday. Everyone in the house is asleep; even the dog. I, obviously, am not. Not sure why. I went through a period where I could not sleep and it was awful. Hopefully, this  isn’t the return or revenge of the insomnia.

So, what do I do when I can’t sleep? I decide to write. Yeah, that’s it. Stare at a computer and work that brain, Gary. Genius. Too many things running through my mind, though. This particular blog won’t be about anything specific. I’m going to ramble a bit, but maybe there will be some sort of theme. Let’s see how my brain works.

Deleted a bunch of Facebook statuses on my page that I posted. Went all the way back to 2008. I decided to start removing negativity in my life. The easiest and most important was myself. Short of putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger, not complaining is the best solution. It’s less messy, too.

Facebook brings out the worst in me. It’s a discipline issue, not a Facebook issue. I easily get off half-cocked and blurt out, in type, a knee-jerk reaction and then immediately, or not so immediately, regret it. Sometimes, I don’t regret it and I look like a jackass. Most of the time, I do regret it, though. From now on, I’m keeping it light. It’s not going to be easy, but that’s where the discipline comes in. Prior to the from now on, though, I needed to go weed out my past shouting matches, blatant observations, and purpose driven written stabs. Purify the soul and the rest will follow, so to speak.

Another thing about Facebook that has been gnawing at me is I don’t like the transparency of my life for the world to enjoy, judge, and critique. It’s bad enough that everyone sees pictures of my family and my friends. Despite popular belief, I do not actually have 466 friends. I know a lot of people, but not everyone is a friend. Though, we should all be friendly, being a friend is something completely different. In addition to seeing photos and reading about my latest exploits, I’ve been too transparent with my thoughts and opinions. It’s not exactly see through, but it’s enough to make me uncomfortable lately. There isn’t enough mystery in the world. Everybody knows everything about everyone, or at least they think they do, and posting intimate thoughts and personal observations is like standing naked in the middle of Grand Central Station and asking everyone if this rash looks bad.

I finished a script today. I wrote an adaptation of my novella There Is A Season. Not sure what I’m going to call it. It won’t be the same as the book. I’m proud of the book, but I’m brilliant with the script. I’m not afraid of tooting my horn. The script is good; damn good. Once I go through it a second time, maybe a third, it’ll be top notch. I’m going to throw my net over on the other side of the boat this time, too. I think I’m going to produce and direct this picture myself. This story is too much of me to just hand over to others to film. I’m a jealous father with this baby. I’ve never felt this way about other scripts I wrote, but with this one, I can see every frame of the picture. It’s much too late for anyone else to put their hands on it.

Have some great ideas for new stories that I’ve plotted out. Hope to start those soon. I’d like to write a graphic novel, also, but I’m not a good artist. Maybe I should take some lessons.

I’ve been growing a beard. My wife hates it, but I like having a beard. My son said it’s my signature look. He obviously doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I don’t know what I’m going to do with it. I’d like to keep it through the winter, but I may be living alone by Christmas if I do. Maybe she’ll learn to like it. We’ll see.

It’s 3:33 now and I’m still not tired. This is not working. I have nothing to take except some flu medicine, but that’s not going to do it. I need a horse tranquilizer.

Has anyone seen Dinner For Five? It’s a talk show hosted by Jon Favreau on IFC. Not sure if it’s still on, but you can watch past episodes on YouTube. It’s pretty good. I just looked it up and it’s not on the air anymore. Check it out on YouTube or Netfilx. Basically, Favreau and four other celebrity guests have dinner at a restaurant and yammer about show business or anything that suits their fancy. There are some great insights on actors, movies, television, and fame.

It’s 3:45. It took me 12 minutes to write those last two paragraphs. That’s 119 words. At that rate, it would take me 4 hours and 20 minutes to reach my word count for the day. Not bad for the early morning hours.

I don’t know what life has in store for me and that frightens me. My children are 12 and 16. It won’t be long now and my wife and I will be alone. Then what? I’m a starving artist with a family. I’m forty and in professional limbo. I think about that a lot. I’m going to bed now.


3 thoughts on “Stream of Consciousness

  1. As someone that works nights, I often can’t sleep when the rest of the house is silent. If you just want something brilliant to veg out on, look for Sherlock on Netflix, produced by BBC. The writing is so good…so good.

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